WWE Fined Ten Million Dollars for Illegal Use of Landfill and Other Stories From Mike Rickard's Newsboyz Network

Copyright 2007 by Mike Rickard II
Originally published at World Wrestling Insanity March 2, 2007

WWE Fined Ten Million Dollars for Illegal Use of Landfill

Stamford, CT

The WWE board of directors met today to discuss a ten million dollar fine recently assessed against World Wrestling Entertainment by the New Jersey Department of Environmental Protection (NJDEP) after WWE officials were found to have dumped over one hundred thousand copies of Big Apple Takedown into a Newark, New Jersey landfill site.

WWE officials were forced to take action after sluggish sales of the book clogged its warehouses in Stamford, Connecticut.  Big Apple Takedown was released in March 2006 and quickly rose to the top of the New York Times Worstseller List.  A Nexis-Lexis search revealed that the book was ranked at 325,016 out of 297,000 at the popular online bookseller Amazon.com.

"Normally the WWE just stores excess inventory in its Stamford warehouses but we've had unusual excess inventory thanks to our Vince Loves Cock and Carlito: Spit or Swallow t-shirt releases." Said Linda McMahon when asked about the storage issue "It's just the cylical nature of the business that sometimes our products don't sell as well as we'd like them to"

The WWE's decision to "store" the books in a landfill isn't an unusual practice in big business.  In 1983, Atari stored 2.5 million copies of the critically panned videogame E.T. in a landfill after sluggish sales.  However, officials from the NJDEP point out that using the landfill wasn't the problem.

"We have no problem with companies using landfills.  Where the WWE erred was in using an inert waste landfill rather than a sanitary landfill." Lisa Jackson, Commissioner for the NJDEP said at a press conference where she announced the fine.  "Had they used the correct landfill, there would be no fine".

WWE attorneys are appealing the fine, stating that it's not a question of which landfill should have been used but a question of taste.  "If we were storing copies of War and Peace; there wouldn't be a fine.  This is a matter of taste and more of the media's inherent bias against the WWE"

Gallup Poll Reveals that 62% of Wrestling Fans Unaware that Jake "The Snake" Roberts is Still Alive

Washington, D.C.

62% of wrestling fans are unaware that WWF Legend™ Jake "The Snake" Roberts is still alive according to the results of a Gallup poll conducted this week.  The poll was taken among 4,000 fans leaving for the bathroom during a Shelton Benjamin match during the taping of Heat.

Roberts, a second generation story rose to fame in the 1980's by means of his incredible promos and his equally incredible finishing move, the DDT.  He worked for the World Wrestling Federation (WWF) during the heyday of the Rock and Wrestling era and he was one of the company's babyfaces, second only to WWF champion Hulk Hogan.  Unfortunately, Roberts' battles with personal demons led to an abrupt departure from the company at the height of his success.  His career never recovered (despite a comeback attempt in 1996) and since then he's been relegated to indie shows and occasional bouts with law enforcement.

When asked if they thought Jake "The Snake" Roberts was still alive, roughly 62% of the over 5,000 fans polled believed Roberts was dead, an unfortunate victim of the epidemic-like number of wrestlers from the 1980's who have come to an early demise.  Of that 62%, another 51% believed Roberts had shown up for his funeral "in no condition to perform". 

The results of the poll were not seen as an anomaly by sources close in World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE).  A source close to Vince McMahon (speaking on condition of anonymity) said that the chairman of the WWE was also unaware that Roberts was still alive and that this was one of the reasons Roberts was not chosen to enter the WWE Hall of Fame this year.  "With one posthumous entry (Curt "Mr. Perfect" Hennig) already, there was no way Vince was going to add Roberts.  The results of the poll may influence Vince to reconsider now as all of this year's entrants haven't been made yet".

Diamond Dallas Page ready to fill in for star of Dog the Bounty Hunter

Honolulu, Hawaii

A&E is happy to announce that former WCW wrestler Diamond Dallas Page is ready to fill in for Duane "Dog" Chapman while he attends to his legal problems in Mexico.

Chapman, who is currently fighting extradition to Mexico on charges that he allegedly deprived someone of freedom in Mexico, could face up to four years imprisonment if convicted.  While Chapman is confident that he won't be extradited, officials at the A&E network aren't taking any chances.

"On the off chance that Dog does go to prison, we want to maintain the fluidity of the show and nobody fits the suit, er the bill like Mr. Page" said Anthony Valmont, an A&E executive during negotiations with Mr. Page.

"This is a great chance for me to utilize my motivational speaker skills" Page commented when asked what he brought to the table.  "The bad guys used to worry about the BLAM! Pretty soon the fleeing felons will feel the BANG!"
SBN-10: 1-55022-841-2
ISBN-13: 978-1-55022-841-0
6.75 x 9.75 in, 300pp, paperback
Published by ECW Press

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Every fan of professional wrestling remembers the moment that captured their heart forever and hooked them for life. Whether it was Ric Flair regaining the NWA Championship from Harley Race at Starcade, the Freebirds turning heel on Kerry Von Erich, Mick Foley flying off the cage at King of the Ring, , Samoa Joe's epic trilogy with CM Punk in Ring of Honor, or the premiere of WCW's Nitro: these are the matches and moments that thrilled, terrified, or outraged overwhelming you with real emotion.

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Whether you watched Stone Cold Steve Austin point a gun at WWE honcho Vince McMahon's head, or stood outside the building as D-Generation X "invaded" WCW; whether you look back with nostalgia to "The King" slapping Andy Kaufman silly on Letterman or believe wrestling was better when Bruno sold out Shea; whether you were one of the Philadelphia "bingo hall" faithful who made ECW "extreme" or a casual observer of the Monday Night Wars; whether you're reliving these moments or discovering them for the first time, Wrestling's Greatest Moments will enthrall you with the exploits and extravagance, the tragedies and triumphs of the sport of kings.

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About the Author:  Mike Rickard has been writing about the sport of kings since 2005.  His work has been seen on Pro Wrestling Illustrated's website, Pro Wrestling Torch, Gumgod, World Wrestling Insanity, and Canadian Bulldog's World.